Be Like Greenland: A Feel-Good Story

Usha and JD Vance get kicked to the curb.

It’s easy to be consumed by the sewer of bad news being pumped in by the tank-load every day, but lo, in the North, a light shines bright.

Greenland, a country with the population of Carson City, NV, rejected a performative trip by Usha and JD Vance so badly that they had to cancel it and relegate themselves to a safe place on a US air base far away from most people—who, it turns out, uniformly hate them and Donald Trump. [Source: Orla Joelsen, X]

Representatives of the American government have been going door to door in Greenland’s capital, Nuuk, in recent days ahead of the now-canceled visit by the U.S. Second Lady, Usha Vance.

This is according to TV 2’s correspondent in Nuuk, Jesper Steinmetz.

“American representatives have been walking around, practically knocking on one door after another in the past few days to ask if people might be interested in a visit from the Vice President’s wife. Everywhere, the answer was the same: ‘No, thanks.’”

Source; TV2.

First, Usha, who stood silent while her husband defended a DOGE employee, who said all Indian people, which includes her and their kids, should be deported, tried the soft approach with an insipid video about dog sled races and “mutual cooperation.”

Apparently, when this approach was rejected, JD Vance, who had just been caught on an illegal Signal chat smearing Europe with Pete Hegseth, decided he was going to bigfoot Greenland by showing up as well.

[Author’s note: The captions AI heard him say “Shady Vance” which is really funny so I left it in.]

Nevertheless, Shady Vance was unable to twist the arms of enough Greenlanders to make even making an appearance seem worth it. Of course, you may wonder, will this give Trump a moment’s pause about this particular adventure in imperialism? Take a listen to this demented mafia shakedown, just today:

“We need Greenland for international safety and security. We need it. We have to have it. And it's an island that from a defensive posture and even offensive posture is something we need, especially with the world the way it is. And we're going to have to have it. And so I hate to put it that way, but we're going to have to have it. A modern day weapons. When you look at ships going up there shore by the hundreds, it's a busy place. And it's really something we have to have. Do you think the people of Greenland are eager to become American citizens? I don't know. I don't think they're uneager. But I think that we have to do it and we have to convince them. And we have to have that land because it's not possible to properly defend a large section of this earth, not just the United States without it. So we have to have it. And I think we will have it.”

As a reminder, none of this is Donald Trump’s idea. “We have to have it” is a commitment he made, to Elon Musk, to create the “Technate of America” that Musk’s grandfather, Nazi-sympathizer, Hitler fan and apartheid-lover Joshua Haldeman wanted. It’s also the home of proposed “network states” by the PayPal Mafia.

The US government is an imperialist, fascist predator, being run by people who have no idea what they are doing and think they are somehow anointed to be rulers of the universe. Leave it to a country of 56,609 hardy souls to show the rest of us how to respond to people like this — by simply standing up to a bully.

Thank you, Greenlanders. 🇬🇱

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