I am not a crier. It’s not that I don’t feel things deeply, or that I’m too macho for it but I‘m introverted and tend to process things internally before it gets to that point. But this last week, I’ve cried at least ten times out loud. About Dolly Parton. And I’ve been trying to figure out why.
Honestly, it’s been a really strange experience for me because it just keeps automatically happening over clips I’ll see of her with a disabled child in a hospital or bringing an Irish pub to its knees with Coat of Many Colors when she was on vacation and dropped by.
Whenever people pass away, you see this kind of thing. These clips of her have been all over the internet since it started. And I’m usually immune to random acts of emotion. I’ve always liked Dolly but I wasn’t exactly a superfan.
But dammit, I keep clicking on these videos and keep ugly-crying—but not in a sad way. I’m not mourning Dolly herself I think, although she was magnificent and deserved every bit of the legend she was. I’ve been mourning the simple act she performed over and over again. She gave.
I’m not here to beatify her—although you could credibly argue the case. But she modeled the exact kind of behavior that has been systematically vacuumed out of our culture today.
For example, I have been a fan of Eminem since he was Marshall and this note made me weep like a baby because Dolly describes how I felt listening to his records 25+ years ago—like I “knew him somehow.” And this lady born in a cabin in the Tennessee woods with 11 siblings felt it too, and wrote to him about it—in private. It’s just beautiful. And she did it for no other reason than to give him something, a man she would never meet.
Dolly was super rich. And earned every penny. She was no pushover in business and she’d be the first to tell you so. But when she got enough money to feel like her dreams had come true, she did something very notable: she stopped hoarding it and started giving it away, usually quietly.
She built the Imagination Library and gave over 200 million books away. And she never stopped mentoring musicians like her goddaughter Miley Cyrus, and collaborating with artists from every era.
She gave until her last week on Earth.
Ultimately, I think I’ve been crying about the fact that Dolly was indeed so different. In a world where taking dominates attention in such clownish, evil ways, she represents the idea that it does not have to be this way.
I’ve written a lot about how aberrant psychology has captured the elite class. We’re watching an uprising of dark personality traits which has essentially captured the zeitgeist—not to mention the government. Dolly was perhaps the best example of why this wasn’t always the case. And she puts the lie to every broligarch who says empathy is “suicidal,” that charity is for losers, or that successful people “don’t do introspection.”
When Dolly started her solo career in 1967, she had to leave her mentor Porter Wagoner and wrote “I Will Always Love You” in tribute to help soothe his hurt feelings. The same night she wrote “Jolene”—another classic mega-hit. She became a superstar on “introspection.”
Dolly was the first to joke about her boobs, her deliberately “trashy” outfits, and her wigs. As she said: “I’ve heard all the jokes, because I wrote ‘em.” And in the end, she had the talent and the brains to shut up every man who tried to dismiss her.
I had no idea how much the world needed Dolly until she was gone. But I’m grateful for the chance to mourn her. She gave me the chance to cry in a world I thought had desensitized me too much.
Rest in peace, Dolly. And thanks for the kickass cover of Stairway to Heaven.
Thanks again to all who have sent messages, subscribed and donated recently in light of the judge’s ruling in the Flynn case. It is deeply appreciated.
Here is my DonorBox. 💙
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I'm not a country music fan. Never was, never will be. My undergraduate degree was actually in music and I specialized in early music - which was most liturgical. That's about as far away from country music as it gets.
But Dolly was different because of who she was and what she stood for. The things that she did for others - quietly - without fanfare made me an instant fan. And she managed to keep to her principles even as the world changed to a den of vipers. I will also add that her musical talent was extraordinary. I totally respected her musical ability even if the genre just wasn't my thing.
Rest in peace Dolly. We love you and we miss you.
Your spirit or subconscious, if you prefer, may be grieving the lack in this Trumpian infected society of goodness, compassion and empathy... the scarcity of joy, honesty and unconditional love...as it was given so often by Dolly. Our spirits long for those things. We need to give them and recieve them. She was a light in a very dark corrider. It hurts to lose the energy of her spirit on earth. It hurts me too... I can say that. I admired her character and goodness. She radiated it.